PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — “I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for the donut. I’ll just give you the money, and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend: “Don’t even act like I didn’t get that donut! I got the documentation right here…oh, wait it’s at home…in the file…under ‘D.'”
Fans of Mitch Hedberg, who died in 2005, recognize that joke. On this, the day he would have turned 48, someone left a donut and a receipt on his gravestone in Minnesota.
Some other Mitch Hedberg jokes:
— You know they call corn-on-the-cob “corn-on-the-cob,” right? But that’s how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that “corn”, and they should call every other version “corn-off-the-cob.” It’s not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm “Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.”
— I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
— My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah”.
— I was at the airport a while back and some guy said “Hey man, I saw you on TV last night.” But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said “Dude! I saw you at the airport… About a minute ago… And you were good.”