PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — A lot has happened this year, changing countless careers and personal lives forever. While many people get to avoid COVID-19 while working from home — Julie Kleese, an ICU nurse at OHSU, comes face-to-face with the virus every day.
Upon reflection, this experience is something she’ll hold with her for the rest of her life due to the lessons she’s learned. She hopes by sharing them with others, that they’ll be able to carry a similar sense of gratitude.
Back in January, news reports were circulating around the world about a new contagious virus that was infecting and shutting down entire cities such as Wuhan, China. Like many Americans at that time, Kleese watched the images on the television screen with a sense of distance — this issue was happening elsewhere.
Then the first case of COVID-19 was reported in Washington state. This hit closer to home as the coronavirus was now around the corner, no longer just a story from the other side of the world.
“There definitely was a lot of fear hearing reports out of New York and Italy and all of these really devastating experiences that healthcare workers and our nation was going through,” she said.
Before long, COVID-19 slammed her hospital.
“We were informed that we would be the COVID unit,” Kleese said. “It really upped the anxiety level to something new that I hadn’t really experienced before.”
One thing that helped get her through this first dark period: her team.
“Our leadership really stepped up and supported all of our staff,” she said. “It was remarkable.”
Kleese’s manager, Rachel Rose, and specialty practice leader, Crystal Pelgorsch, took the reins, diving into research and pouring over the guidelines to try and fight the obscurity of this novel virus to the best of their ability.
“They have been instrumental in keeping our ship afloat and healthy, advocating for us at every turn and providing a listening ear to all of their staff for the myriad of concerns we all have and continue to bring up,” Kleese said. “We wouldn’t be the incredible team we are without them.”
At the time, healthcare workers were feeling like the coronavirus was always one step ahead in an exhausting and endless game of catch-up.
During the statewide stay-at-home orders, new images and ideas of heroes were emerging in society. The term “essential worker” has become part of our vernacular to describe employees who may oftentimes be overlooked, but truly vital for our world to go around.
But, being newly recognized as a heroine has its drawbacks.
“We were being lauded as heroes, but then people didn’t want to be around us, afraid that we might pose a risk to them,” she explained.
Rising to the occasion
The day-in and day-out of witnessing the most severe cases of COVID-19 can either burn you out or bolster your drive to do better.
“Being in the ICU unit is always an intense, dynamic environment,” Kleese said. “But the biggest change was that we weren’t allowed to have family members come in and visit.”
Family members provide a sense of comfort and hope that is crucial in the recovery process, Kleese said. She found herself having to fill that void, a surmounting task.
“We had to be creative in finding ways to still involve family in the plan of care and still get patients connected to their loved ones,” she said. “That is one of the most devastating pieces for me.”
Imagining having a loved one in a hospital, dying of COVID is a mind game no one wants to play — but it’s a reality ICU nurses have had to witness on a daily basis this past year. ICU patients are complex and difficult to treat, making 2020 an extraordinary journey. Kleese and her fellow nurses took on the role of compassionate family members, getting to know their patients on a personal level in hopes of easing their pain.
“I really take the opportunity when I can interact with people, to provide them with a therapeutic touch, to connect with them on a human level,” she said. “So they feel my presence, whether they’re conscious or not.
“It’s an honor to be able to be there for people in those ways.”
Following the data
At the beginning of this pandemic, there were more questions than answers. Mysteries about how the virus was spreading, why some people were dying within days while others were asymptomatic. These extremes along the scientific spectrum is why Kleese said it was integral for her and her team to dive into the data, daily.
With no vaccine or cure, it was all they could do to try and save their suffering ward.
“It’s a testament to science, from where we started to where we are now to be able to help patients,” she said.
Science propels medicine in everyday practice, but COVID-19 accelerated that effort on a global scale.
“It’s truly remarkable to see what public support and motivation can do,” she said.
Coping with death and grief
Humans have an incredible ability to overcome grief and trauma if given the proper tools and time. The average person experiences death and loss sparsely and sporadically as family members age or as tragic accidents occur.
ICU nurses already exceed the average encounters with grief in a normal year, and 2020 was not forgiving.
“I think that my job has always included pieces of trauma,” Kleese said.
She describes how she’s in a unique position to travel with people through their disease process and transcend with them through their grief. Nurses and medical professionals have to work and win their patient’s trust in order to have hope of coming out on the other side.
When getting so close to people, especially in a year where family is forbidden, that weight of grief transfers to the caretakers across the ICU.
“It’s not your own grief, but you experience grief around the situation and you carry these people, their stories and these situations in your hearts,” Kleese said.
This year has been transformative for her, like it has been for many Americans and people around the world. As she reflects on 2020, she’s finding a way to honor her patients who lost their battle with COVID-19 and share how they’ve contributed to her life.
She recounts stories of people’s life ending this year, who filled important roles as someone’s partner, husband, wife, brother, sister — now vanished.
“If it’s not happening to you, sometimes it can seem remote and it doesn’t feel real,” she said. “The moment you experience it, you walk through it, it brings it to reality and it makes it reachable.”
That’s a reality Kleese and fellow medical professionals have been living since March.
As nurses, Kleese said they have to find positive coping mechanisms in order to not become overwhelmed by these deep, difficult emotions — because the world is counting on them to continue to do what they do best and treat those who need help healing.
Coping with COVID-19
Lucky for Kleese, she has outlets of support that are far-reaching. Her family may be in Montana, but the weekly video chats with them are regular points of connection and care.
The family she has in Oregon, namely her coworkers at OHSU, have come even closer this year.
Her mental health counselor, who Kleese has seen for years, has been instrumental in helping her process this new level of anxiety and this new world. Like many amid COVID, she’s also got a new furry friend, Clementine, who offers emotional support, companionship and regular doses of serotonin.
“She’s my best bud,” Kleese said.
The Oregon wilderness has been the only safe space to recreate in a year where the risk of viral spread increases indoors.
“Being outside really helps to keep my mind centered,” she said. “I take those moments of solitude to reflect on those people and how they’ve contributed to my life.”
Julie and Clementine 
Julie in the wilderness
She also keeps a journal to jot down and remember some of these moments because they are unique to her personal experience and also to history.
“As devastating as grief can be, it’s also really beautiful to provide someone a good death. A death that’s not filled with pain or sorrow, but with dignity and peace,” she said. “That is something we do to bring solace to their family members.”
Resolutions for the New Year
In a year of darkness, isolation and death, Kleese said we can take the time to seek out the beautiful moments — and share them with each other.
“I found that when I get the opportunity to spend time safely with people, it holds that much more meaning to me,” she said. “I feel so seen and treasured in those moments, during a time in existence where human interaction is so challenging and riddled with fear.”
The fear of touch, the fear of unknown spread, the fear of accidentally killing someone can weigh on you. Humans are social creatures, truly needing socialization and interaction for mental health and ultimately, survival.
“One thing my job has taught me from the very beginning is that I don’t take any moments for granted,” she said.
This year, however, has renewed and refocused her gratitude for friends and family, for hugs and kisses.
Trusting the data
Moving forward, she said data should drive our decisions.
“When we feel consumed by fear of the unknown, you have to go back to the data,” she’s said. “You have to trust science because we do the rigorous work to find the answers for our future.”
History has proven time and time again that science has led us to the prosperous lives we lead now, she said. As time goes on and more data on COVID-19 is collected, scientific technologies will be changing and adapting for the better.
“That’s the beautiful thing about science — we’re never satisfied with one answer,” she said. “We’re going to keep digging to find better solutions to better medicines to help people live these wonderful lives that we’re given.”
Sharing is caring
As this year comes to a close and the pandemic is on the cusp of being cured, Kleese encourages you to share your experiences of 2020 with others — and also be willing to listen to how others have experienced and internalized the struggles of this year.
“If we can take more moments to listen to one another, to attend to those fears, share those stories, then it provides a better platform for people to empathize with your situation,” she said.
Empathy is the key to creating a better understanding across the board of what we need to do for our fellow human beings. People are experiencing the coronavirus on a broad spectrum. Some have dodged the bullet, a sector of the population have absolutely no symptoms, others are knocking on death’s door, while a mystical group of long haulers are still suffering with debilitating symptoms months later with little to know answers for resolution.
By recognizing all of these real, lived experiences of 2020, Kleese said we can be better together in 2021.